Heba Kotb: On Sex and Muslims
January 23, 2007 by Saifuddin
Associated Press (AP) | Human Sexuality | January 20, 2007
By Nadia Abou El-Magd
Journalist, Associated Press
CAIRO, Egypt - Heba Kotb is a conservative Muslim, wears an Islamic head scarf, and goes on television once a week to talk - frankly and in great detail - about sex.
On her show, “Big Talk,” Kotb answers questions from Muslims all over the Middle East about the most intimate bedroom issues with an openness that is shocking and revolutionary in a society where discussing the subject is taboo.
“How do I talk about these issues? Very seriously,” the Egyptian sexologist says. “I put on a mask-like face and make sure I speak in the right tone of voice.”
She also does it by talking about sex in an Islamic light, arguing that the faith is in favor of pleasure for both men and women, with one important caveat - that it be only in the context of marriage.
“I’m very proud of my religion,” Kotb told The Associated Press in an interview at Cairo University, where she teaches forensic medicine. “My studies revealed to me more and more how Islam was ahead in all sexual matters … I discovered that Islam understood sex long before the rest of the world.”
For example, Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay,” Kotb said, and she often stresses to listeners that women should also enjoy sex.
Kotb’s frankness is a hit in a region where sex education is minimal, male-female contact is often discouraged and talk on the subject is usually in hushed tones, allowing myths to circulate freely.
She lectured in Saudi Arabia and Yemen recently, where she said many men in the audience where shocked, while women - some with veiled faces - bombarded her with questions.
Kotb, 39 and married with three daughters, studied sexology with Maimonides University, a private school in Florida, and combined it with her own knowledge of her religion to produce a dissertation titled “Sexuality in Islam.” She opened a sexology clinic in Cairo in 2002, wrote sex advice columns in newspapers, appeared on talk shows and answered questions on an Arabic Web site.
She started “Big Talk” on the independent Egyptian satellite channel El-Mehwar more than three months ago.
Much of her advice is straight biology - laying out facts rarely aired elsewhere. Nothing is too sensitive. She discusses sexual positions, female orgasm, oral sex (allowed, “since there is no religious text banning it” ), even masturbation (frowned upon but at least preferable to unmarried or adulterous sex, which is haram, meaning forbidden by religion).
She takes a strict Islamic line on homosexuality - she calls it a disease.
Along with doctors, she sometimes brings Islamic clerics onto her show, and many callers ask about the religion’s rulings on sexual issues.
Because Islam trumps all else on her show, some complain that it’s part of a general inclination in the Middle East to view everything through the prism of religion.
“After Islamic banks, Islamic fashion, Islamic TV channels, Islamic hairdressers, Islamic swimsuits, Islamic writers … now Islamic sex? This is too much,” protested feminist writer Mona Helmi in a column in the Egyptian pro-government weekly Rose el-Youssef.
“Sex is an emotional and human condition, not a religious or identity issue,” she said.
Kotb says frankness is essential and believes 80 percent of divorces in the Arab world are due to sexual problems brought on by ignorance and societal pressure”Many women know nothing about their bodies, not to mention sex, and they were raised to believe sex is for men and a dirty thing,” she says.
Abou El-Magd, Nadia. “Big Talk”: Sex and the Married Muslim. “Associated Press” 20 Jan. 2007. <http://www.theledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070120/NEWS/701200391/1326>
On The Net: Kotb’s Web site, in Arabic, with some English: www.hebakotb.net
Interesting. That certainly takes a lot of courage, masha’Allah. It’s good that she can handle it maturely…
[...] Posted in Health, Islam, Society, Articles, Fiqh, Muslims at 8:50 pm by Danya Got this from Hakim Abdullah [...]
dear sir/mam
i like to talk to heba
dear mam,
i like to talk with u
To go on TV in any part of the world and discuss sex in a reverent, but informative, manner would be difficult. But to do it in the context of the culture of the Middle East would be quite a daunting task. Good for her!
DB: Absolutely! I am working on a series of articles concerning women in Islam… my little contribution to the appreciation of Muslim women on the web. Keep a look out for it, you may enjoy it.
assalamu alaikum brother HAKIM
Ithink it is very important subject…especially coming from afemale committed muslim doctor,to fill the gaps of arrogance& ignorance..and enlightening lives by the simple direct &deep instructions of ISLAM
Its nothing but something to steer the muslims in wrong direction and invoking an evil. Its a kind of slow poisoning. You will find no prove of her work in the light of Quran and Sunnah.
All crap…
Salaam,
Thanks for posting this. The Prophet, peace & blessings upon him, was both frank and modest in speaking about sexuality and we could all learn much from his words.
Adeel, how can there be no proof of her work in the light of Quran and Sunnah?
Taking just one example: ‘Islam “stresses the importance of foreplay”’, we find this commonly-quoted hadith:
The Prophet said, “No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them.” When asked about the messenger, he said, “It means kissing and talking.”
What is so unIslamic about mutually satisfying and loving marital relationships?
Such a relationship is obviously based on his sunnah - and his wife Aisha (ra) said his life was the Qur’an embodied.
Thanks again, Hakim.
Warmly,
Baraka
There’s a big myth that muslims adhere to sex within a matrimonial context only. Muslim men are horny in particular and would do anything to have sex - as long as none of their peers are able to gossip. Hypocrisy DE LUXE! And everybody know this, so why pretend the world is different?
Asalamualykum there,
Unfortunately, I do not necessarily buy what you are saying. I know a couple of good Muslim men, though tempted, as we all are, do not pursue their natural inclinations or lusts. Yes, I am being anecdotal, but do elaborate on the reasoning to your conclusion. A couple things need to be sorted out, for clarity. How do you define a “Muslim” and what is your link between peers not knowing and hypocrisy? Your conclusion does not necessarily follow, to say the least.
Alykum’aslaam for now.
It sounds as if Heba has a healthy view of sex and that it stems from her faith. I would imagine that, like with Christianity, Muslims interpret sacred texts in a variety of ways such that sex might come out seeming dirty or it might be a healthy expression of love.
BismillaharRahmanirRahim
as-salaamu ‘alaikum. pistolpete you wrote,
That is a good assement. There are a number of elements that enter a Muslim’s religious life as a result of cultural beliefs that have nothing at all to do with Islam. But of course, a clever person can do anything with text. This is why you need shaykhs those righteous elders and scholars of the community that carry a position of authority and leadership to direct the community in the way of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.).
But many will argue that it is the shaykhs that reinforce the culturally colored interpretations of the Qur’an. I would merely say to them, perhaps you should evaluate how your community identifies someone as a shaykh, a righteous elder?
Esselamu aleykum,
I live in Turkey and I had only the oppurtunity of reading articles like that about Heba Kotb, but I can understand clearly that she has a right aspect on the matter and also has a very good knowledge about our religion’s sources. I believe that she’s very important to make a synthesis between our religion and modern science on sexuality. Like she said, our religion Islam is “ahead in all sexual matters … long before the rest of the world”.
I strongly disagree with Mona Helmi, Islam bring orders in all areas of life and so we need to know and apply its view on everything.
BismillaharRahmanirRahim
wa alaykum asalaam. Alperen, welcome to you! Good comment please, feel free to comment anytime.
-Saifuddin
Nice post.
I bookmarked you.
http://info5stars.blogspot.com/
Asalamwalaikum all
Heba is doing a good job talking about sex between husband and wives. . Its a eye opener for most of us.
There are things like oral sex i thot was wrong just hearing from friends and colleagues but didnt know that it was like there…….. u know what i mean. some of us are blind and we shud thank if someone out there has studied and is ready to share with other women and saving alot of marriages from breaking instead of appretiating, i think it is very wrong of others to call it AL CRAP!!!!!
Wasalam Keep up the good work Hebo we need more people like u to enlighten us on issues we are to afraid to ask and end up losing everything.
Sex is not a taboo in any religion. But sex is not a public topic to be discussed if you believe in morality. I’m sure that Islam [ a religion i have great respect for] has morality and logic at its base, from my readings. Even I, an atheist, can see how stupid this woman looks for islam, making it look like life is about SEX and nothing else. Let the world starve and people get killed in wars and she worries about sex!!. What about the afterlife that she believes in? is that about sex too? did God create you for experiencing differenent sexual positions?!?!